UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
