wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
