Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
