dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize