masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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