Are we in a gay sports bar?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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