Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
