I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
