conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
