I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
