yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
