fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
