I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
