Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
