I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Randomize
