DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
