My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
