I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
