if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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