Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
3pm strippers are depressing
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
