so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
