I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
