Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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