Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So much Jack, so little girl.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
