I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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