He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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