He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize