Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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