I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
