Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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