Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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