There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
