I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize