Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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