I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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