Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
