If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
