I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
