we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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