I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
