i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
