i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
