And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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