I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
