I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
