i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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