turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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