things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
