CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
