Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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