I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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