I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
