We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
