Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
