just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
