70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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