yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
