i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
