I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
