I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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