Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
