I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
