Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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