omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Come on in and take your pants off
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