butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Your mouth is God's brothel.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
