The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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