College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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