Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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