garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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